A Guide to Supporting a Grieving Parent
Let’s talk about something tough: losing a baby. It’s a heartbreaking experience that no parent should ever have to go through. If you know someone who’s recently lost their baby, you probably want to be there for them, but it can be hard to know what to do or say.
Trust me, I get it. I lost my baby girl, Eden, at 28 weeks. It was devastating, but I was overwhelmed by the love and support I received from friends and family. Some of the gifts I received meant a lot to me, so I hope these suggestions can help you support someone in a similar situation.
Remember, the most important thing is to be there for them. Listen to them, offer comfort, and let them know you care. Here are some gift ideas that might be helpful:
Practical Gifts
- Fake flowers: They last longer than real flowers and won’t remind the parents of their loss. To make the flowers even more special consider using the color of the baby’s nursery theme and adding a sweet card or message!
- Warm cookies: Receiving a text that says warm cookies will be on your doorstep in 5 minutes was an amazing feeling! I mean who doesn’t love warm, gooey cookies?! Our friends used Tiff’s Treats and I would recommend them again and again. These can also be homemade and dropped off with a sweet note!
- Jewelry: A personalized piece can be a cherished keepsake. Some examples of these can include: a simple ring with their baby’s birthstone color, a necklace with their baby’s name on it, or a photo bracelet with their only family photo. These can be so dear and special to the mom.
- A painting: A personalized and peaceful reminder of their child’s presence. Our friends got us a similar one to this on Etsy. It’s a beautiful piece that has our family together!
- Gift cards: For food delivery (DoorDash or UberEats) or their favorite store. I received a Free People gift card (my favorite store) and I’ll remember that forever! Gift cards for food delivery can make dinner a little easier so they don’t have to think or stress about cooking.
- Irresponsible spending money: A little fun never hurt anyone! This is money you tell them to be stupid with – buy something you normally wouldn’t!
- A blanket: While the mom is recovering from labor a soft and cozy blanket from a dear friend can go a long way. TJ Maxx has several great ones – it doesn’t need to be fancy! It’s just a way to say “I’m here for you – my arms are wrapped around you.”
- Grocery store gift card: For home-cooked meals. For me, I really wanted to cook after losing Eden. It was something I could control and something I enjoyed. Being able to get groceries and not be super strict because they’re worried about other finances can be a huge gift.
- Journal or coloring book: A creative outlet for healing. A coloring book is a great activity to turn the brain off and calm your thoughts. I filled my journal (gifted by a friend) with several sweet text messages I received or comforting words friends spoke into me. Anything I didn’t want to forget, I journaled. I also filled it with my screams and cries to God. It’s like my healing journal.
Emotional Support
- Check-in calls or texts: If you are in a spot where you can’t spend money on a gift, check in! Keep in touch, especially after the initial wave of support subsides. Everyone will reach out the first couple weeks but then after that, the visitors leave, the texts stop coming in, and they’re expected to be getting back to their “normal” life. This is when to check in. On the baby’s due date, check in. On the 3 month anniversary, check in. Don’t be afraid to use the baby’s name. I love being able to use/say Eden whenever I can!
Remember, every parent’s experience is different. What might be helpful for one person might not be for another. The most important thing is to be there for them, listen to them, and offer your love and support.
